30-Day Letter Project: 11

There is so much I’ve wanted to tell you over the years. So much you’ve missed, so much I’ve missed, so much we’re both going to miss.

It’s been a little more than eight years since you left us, Dad, but it’s felt like an eternity and just yesterday, all at the same time. I can’t believe I’ve survived this long without you. It’s hard to believe the eternity I’ve lived without you has really only been eight little years.

I know I tell myself this almost daily, but I’m not sure I ever let you know just exactly how amazing of a man you were. We didn’t have the best track record, no, but few people have taught me more than you did. You were so strong, so vigilant, so passionate. I get that from you, I think – the passion, the life.

We’re feelers, aren’t we? Yeah. That’s why it hurts so much to think about all the shit we’re going to miss, all the shit we’ve already missed. High school graduation, my first day of college, my last day of college and all the Dad’s Weekends in between. The good boyfriends, the bad boyfriends, the current boyfriend. And someday… the wedding, your grandchildren. You would have been the most amazing grandpa.

It’s these thoughts that prevent me from talking about you much. And I’m sorry for that, but it hurts.

I miss you, Dad. I always will.

{Day 10: A deceased person you wish you could talk to}

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