30-Day Letter Project: 13

I know I can be a lot of terrible things. Truth is, lately I’ve been a lot of terrible things to you.

I should be happy. I should be congratulating. I should be fucking thrilled.

But I’m not. Instead, I’m bitter. And jealous.

And it’s stupid, really. I don’t want to feel this way, but that’s the thing about feelings. You don’t get to pick them.

So, even though it is stupid, even though it is selfish and mean and hurtful, this is how I feel. I can’t tell you I’m happy for you or wish you well in your new endeavor; I can’t congratulate the two of you. Not without meaning it.

And while there are a lot of people I have and would lie to about that kind of stuff, you are not one of them. I will not say these things to you unless I mean them. You know me better than that, and I love you more than that. I won’t lie to you about these things. I don’t expect you’d want me to lie.

Though, I don’t expect you want me to be an ass-hat about all this, either.

I’m sorry.

{Day 13: Someone you wish could forgive you}

{photo via … I have no freakin’ clue, other than my manymanyyearsold Photobucket account.}