Unfortunately for me, one of those times is now. Even more unfortunately, I’m a crier.
I’ve been trying to hold it together – for Pete, because he doesn’t always deal well with my tears when he’s not the cause of them; for myself, because I’m okay with this, right?; but mostly for Luci, because I know this is something she not only needs but wants to do. And most of the time I think I do a pretty alright job at being okay with this.
Unfortunately for me, this is not one of those times.
This is where pushing the selfishness aside comes in, because it’s not her I’m worried about. It’s me.
I know that, in recent months, her and I have not been as close as we have been in the past… but, in my head and heart, only in the sense that we don’t talk as often as we used to. I’ve attributed that to busy lives and schedules. It takes a toll on friendships when a girl moves in with her boyfriend, and I know that part of it falls on me. But she’s still always been a short drive away when I need her or, more importantly, when she needs me.
Most of it’s fear. And selfishness. Fear that something’s going to come up in my life when I’ll need her more than anyone else and she won’t be able to be here TONIGHT. On one hand, I know that’s an incredibly selfish thing to be afraid of. On the other hand, what are best friends for?
I want her to go – no, seriously – because I know she wants to go. I just have to accept the fact that my best friend’s leaving me for California. Again. What’s Cali got that I don’t?
That’s a joke, Luci, and I say that because there’s no doubt in my mind you’re reading this (it helps to know your homepage is my blog…).
Know these things:
- You’re gonna do great down there.
- I’m gonna miss you.
- I can’t wait for you to come back. Because you. Are. Coming. Back. Love!