It’s been awhile

I haven’t felt this alone for a long time.

Not since those insecure, uncertain years of early high school.

But this, this is worse. This is uncertainty beyond anything I’ve experienced before.

I am completely lost. I don’t know myself anymore.

Who am I? Who am I.

So much of my life was WE. WE bought a house. WE like this bar and that restaurant. We. We, we, we.

What about ME? What do I have now?

This all sounds so… so much like I feel the victim. I know I’m not. But I am hurt, I am hurting.

And yes, I am alone. I know I have family and friends who would go a long way to be there for me if I would just ask. But I can’t ask. Because this is on me.

Me. Whoever that is.

{AmandaLouise}

5 Comments

  1. E.P. Friday, November 12, 2010 8:42 pm

    Oh, lovely, I’m so sorry. Things like this are so complicated and tough… but you make it through, AND you are stronger for it.

    If you want to chat, I’m here. *hugs*

  2. sleepyjane Tuesday, November 16, 2010 2:47 am

    I know it hurts like a bitch right now. And there’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better.

    All I know for certain? Is that at the end of this, you’ll wake up one morning and instead of feeling alone and lost you’ll KNOW who you are. And that will be the best day. I promise.

    If you need to talk, you know how to find me. x

    (HUG)

  3. Lauren from Texas Thursday, November 18, 2010 1:29 pm

    Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine this feeling. If you ever need to talk to someone, email me & we’ll get in touch. I hope everything becomes clearer & the pain begins to dull, & soon.

  4. big brother Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:26 pm

    your stubborn and have difficult time asking for help when you need it most. sounds a lot like someone i know…..

    we’re all here.

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