It’s making me a little sick, being on Facebook this morning reading all the optimistic thoughts and hopes my friends have for 2011. I am finding it nearly impossible to be optimistic today, for this new year. I don’t have any shiny resolutions, no sparkly dreams for 2011.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it: Last night was a shitty night. There was blood and an unhealthy amount of tears and me curled in a ball in the corner of an empty bedroom, alone. Things were thrown – punches, cell phones, hurtful words.
I’m also not going into detail. No, nobody tried to punch me or throw a cell phone at me. No, I didn’t try to punch anybody or throw a cell phone at anybody. I’m safe, everybody’s safe. Physically, anyway.
Last night was embarrassing. It was stressful and hurtful. It was also eye-opening. My heart aches this morning. My insides ache.
So, yeah. I had a bad night. It used to be that a bad night was just that – a bad night. But now, this bad night… well, it’s turned into a bad next morning, a bad day, a bad year, thus far. Happy fucking New Year.
On a lighter note, I don’t think I could have picked a better point in my life to start Stratejoy’s Joy Equation. Today officially kicks off the program for me, so for the next 30 days I’ll be ignoring all the bullshit around me (or, trying to anyway) to find myself and my happiness. And yes, I’ll be attempting to update here on my progress with the program – I think that’s one of the only ways I’ll be able to hold myself accountable and really put into it what I hope to get out.