13 Comments

  1. TJ said:

    Kaci, this is really, really beautiful.

    What you’re describing….is the kind of feelings that I would want to feel, regardless of rings, documents, and everything else. I would hope that these kinds of feelings are what the majority of monogamous-minded folk are hoping to experience?

    Getting married for the sake of getting married is just not something I hope to do. At all. A life time can be a LONG time, after all.

    It’s like that old cheesy cliche…you don’t simply want a person that you can yourself living with, you want the person that you can’t see yourself living without.

    Tuesday, April 5, 2011
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    • Kaci Johanna said:

      Everything you just said: Yes.

      Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many times (and even hearing this once is too many) that, if things don’t work out… “There’s always divorce.” Don’t get me wrong, I support divorce as an option, but to go into a marriage already thinking about divorcing your bride- or husband-to-be? Ugh.

      But, that’s where that article comes into play. Our generation is being more deliberate about marriages; we are consciously opting in. I love that.

      And thank you! So much.

      Tuesday, April 5, 2011
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  2. TJ said:

    I know. It’s terrible. Not to mention, that so much of the mid-20s dating pool is ALREADY divorced, single parents. etc. There’s some major baggage out there these days.

    Sometimes I think that I just grew up in the wrong generation.

    But that’s okay. I just have to keep putting myself out there and wait my turn so to speak. 🙂

    Tuesday, April 5, 2011
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  3. terra said:

    I think normal is fleeting. Our generation is just different and we have a lot of lessons available to us that previous generations might not have had and I think it’s great that people wait years and even decades before getting hitched.

    And I love what you said about having time to work through things – I think waiting for marriage allows time to settle in, to feel it out, to make sure it works. It’s much better than finding out the hard way that it’s not right after all sorts of legal documents are involved.

    Wednesday, April 6, 2011
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    • Kaci Johanna said:

      True – after I posted this, I looked at it again and cringed a little at my use of “normal,” because I agree – it is fleeting. Maybe I should have said “normal” instead of normal.

      Waiting to get married is the only way, to me, it makes sense. This kind of leads me into the discussion of living together before you get married (“living in sin”) or not. I honestly just can’t imagine being engaged and getting married, and THEN living together. Good grief. But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post!

      Wednesday, April 6, 2011
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  4. Brittney said:

    I love this post. Because I agree. It’s like this stigma that you have to, once you turn 24 and arent married, say you dont WANT to be married, or it’s not the cool thing to say you want totally stereotypical things like marriage and children. Or on the opposite end, feel like you HAVE to want those things.

    Well, and it also kind of sparked another thing I always think about – about how people all around me who ARE married (and we’re the opposite, MOST of MY friends are nowhere near getting married, a lot of Sean’s aren’t, but then everyone near us in TX is popping out kids) are on the next step of having children. And I get thrown back and forth on the parenthood topic because I’m honestly not sure. I think I’d be a really great parent, but I also grasp the COST and TIME that being a good parent takes, and at the moment I don’t really want them. But when everyone your age is wanting to talk or have babies, you don’t fit in. I can’t hang with the stay at home mom’s in our neighborhood because I work, and I can’t talk Little Jimmy’s report card because I don’t have a Little Jimmy, we have to plan all events around when people can find babysitters and our HOA plans family events only for socializing…. Which sort of eliminates any couple that is CHOOSING to not yet be a parent at this age. We can’t really attend easter egg hunts or Santa Claus photo events without looking like creepy creepy people, ya know?

    Now I’m on a tangent. Sigh. LOL.

    Wednesday, April 6, 2011
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    • Kaci Johanna said:

      I love your tangents. 🙂

      I honestly never thought about it the other way around, though – being in your position, married with friends who aren’t and aren’t getting married. I can imagine the difficulties there, too.

      And then the kid thing. It honestly took me a couple years to decide that yes, I do want children. When my guy and I first moved in together, there was all this pressure from his side of the family to start popping out kids. (They obviously don’t really care about the “living in sin” thing.) And it made me NOT want kids. Ever. Partially out of spite, I think, because their comments were constantly pissing me off.

      … and now I’M the one on a tangent. 🙂

      Wednesday, April 6, 2011
      Reply
  5. Stacey said:

    Oh boy. Billy and I went through a period where it seemed like ALL of our friends were getting engaged…and we WEREN’T. I pouted, asked why a zillion times, and may have even stomped my feet in a tantrum a time or two (truly, it was an ugly period for me!) But just like you said, we had so much time to work through issues – serious issues that, had we not worked through them – would have pretty much destroyed any chance of us STAYING married. We split up a few times – yes, I did say “a FEW”. In the end, the timing worked itself out, and we got engaged and married at the right time for US. You’ll get there, and it will be amazing. XO

    Wednesday, April 6, 2011
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    • Kaci Johanna said:

      Oh, Stacey, ditto. I’ve pouted, I’ve screamed. I’ve been sad about it and I’ve been pissed about it. Not pretty. But it all comes down to, when the time is right for us (as cliche as it sounds, but like you said!), it WILL happen, and I know that. Thank you!

      Wednesday, April 6, 2011
      Reply
  6. Sara said:

    Wow Kaci, I don’t think I could have said it better. I have several friends who aren’t even dating and others who are engaged/married so it’s quite a mix. It does seem like more and more people are getting engaged, including my only sibling last week. And I feel so happy for her and the others but I have such sadness and jealously too. My man and I’ve been together for almost six years and lived together for about 4 of them. I understand that we haven’t gotten engaged yet because we were finishing up college, then after we were both done, so many people have put such pressure on him.

    Meanwhile, just like you, I have to remind myself, that I’m TRULY happy especially with him in my life and that he’s not going anywhere. I KNOW that he wants to be with me with the rest of our lives as I do with him. Thank you for the post, it’s nice knowing we’re not alone. And when the day comes, when you eventually get engaged? You bet I’m going to jump up and down and scream omgomgomg yay. =)

    Wednesday, April 6, 2011
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  7. rik said:

    Honey, you’ve been dropping hints about this for years. plus, you guys just bought a house.
    I’m sorry you’re feeling the pressure. I can feel it a little now so I can only imagine it keeps growing.

    Wednesday, April 6, 2011
    Reply
  8. ameena said:

    oh man, i’ve been going through the “everyone’s life is so exciting and mine sucks” blues pretty heavily lately. i ended up doing the exact same thing where i just clung to all the negative sides of marriage and babies and travels and whatever the hell else was making me sad just so i could convince myself i didn’t need (or want) those things. i’m really happy you’ve found waiting to get married to be beneficial. i definitely think far too many people rush in to marriage. why not enjoy the dating stage and the engaged stage for a while? like TJ said, a lifetime is an awfully long time to be together. there shouldn’t be any rushing.

    Wednesday, April 6, 2011
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