I am.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I am completely comfortable and at peace with who I am. There are areas in which I could improve (house-cleaning and accounting, for example), but the fact that I’m not great at those things doesn’t make me less of a person.

It’s taken me 26+ years to get here, but here I am.

I am a mother. I am a parent. But I am also a daughter, sister, friend.

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And I deserve an afternoon getting a pedicure or a weekend in Vegas as much as my husband deserves a day out fishing or a weekend hunting trip. Because work is stressful, and being a parent is tiresome. And we are, after all, still people.

It’s come to my attention that some very specific people in my life apparently disagree with some of the choices I’ve made as a wife and mother. I say apparently because they don’t express these opinions to me, just to other people who respect me enough to be honest. I have a lot of things I could say in response, many of those things being not so nice… so I won’t say them, not here.

But I do want to say that becoming a parent doesn’t mean we, as humans, have to or should give up the rest of who we are. Like I said, we’re still people. We still have likes and interests and hobbies and feelings, and it would be a disservice to our children to let go of everything else that made us who we are. Because who we are is directly related to the kind of parents we are.

And if I’m the kind of mom who can let loose and have some fun when she knows her child is at home in caring, responsible and capable hands, and who, by the way, doesn’t let her child see her intoxicated, and who misses her child and loves her child with every fiber of her being, then you know what? I am.

And if you are the kind of person who likes to throw around behind-my-back judgment and (often harsh) criticism, and even more often without knowing the full story, without knowing the facts, and without talking to me about it, then… well, then I guess you are.

You be you. I’ll be me.

But I’m the kind of person who doesn’t need or want, and who won’t allow that in my life.

So, there’s that.

10 Comments

  1. Cat said:

    not sure who said what to you, though i’d like to kick them in the shins. why is there this expectation that motherhood removes any need or justification for one’s vices? pretending to be perfect only teaches kids to pretend to be perfect. i would much rather model moderation and openness than shame and hiding. besides, not drinking in front of the kids is unique to our generation. my parents got tanked on rum while my baby sister and i swam in the gulf of mexico. not saying it was the smartest move, but no one shamed them for it. hate this.

    Wednesday, June 5, 2013
    Reply
    • Kaci Johanna said:

      “I would rather model moderation and openness than shame and hiding.” Yep.

      My parents drank openly around me growing up, as well. My choice in not drinking in front of my child comes from that – I remember how I felt. I hated it. So, I’m not going to do that to E.

      Thanks, lady. Truly appreciate your support. <3

      Monday, June 10, 2013
      Reply
  2. san said:

    You’re not going to be a good mom, if you can’t be just YOU every once in a while. Whoever passed judgment behind your back clearly doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

    Heart you.

    Wednesday, June 5, 2013
    Reply
  3. Stacey said:

    Sing it, sister! Having hobbies and interests outside of not only your child, but also your husband, makes you a healthy, well-rounded individual. If you were to give all of yourself to any ONE person (be it your son, your husband, your best friend, your boss, etc.) would not be healthy.

    If people have something to say, they should say it directly to you, but only AFTER they’ve seriously sat down and thought about it. Too many people express opinions for the sake of having something to say, and they’re often not educated or valid opinions. Motherhood and being a woman is hard enough without having everyone else judge you.

    XO.

    Thursday, June 6, 2013
    Reply
    • Kaci Johanna said:

      Thank you, thank you, thank you for this.

      Monday, June 10, 2013
      Reply
  4. christa said:

    I loved this!! I think it is super healthy to have your own hobbies and interests outside of your child, and it sets a good example for them! I am already stressing that people will be judgy judgersons about the fact that I plan on getting back into running and triathlon next spring. But yknow what? That’s my ME time and if they don’t like it (my mom included) then oh well.

    That really sucks that you had to hear secondhand comments. BLAH! Shake it off, girl.

    Thursday, June 6, 2013
    Reply
    • Kaci Johanna said:

      People will definitely be judgy about it, Christa. That’s the unfortunate (shitty) part of it. You have to laugh it off (like I did when I first heard this) and tell ’em what’s up. I’m working on the latter. This post was definitely part of me trying to shake it off. 🙂 Thank you!

      Monday, June 10, 2013
      Reply
  5. Gina said:

    Um, haters to the left! I’m sorry to hear that someone judged you for doing ONE THING for yourself since you had E. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for being you. You’re an awesome mom, and that’s that.

    Sunday, June 9, 2013
    Reply
    • Kaci Johanna said:

      I don’t feel bad exactly. I literally laughed out loud when I was told. It’s just… frustrating, you know? Because exactly. Haters to the left.

      Thanks Gina. <3

      Monday, June 10, 2013
      Reply

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