More on postpartum

First, let me say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who commented on my first post on postpartum. The amount of love and understanding I received was not expected. Please know I’ve read all of your comments multiple times over, and have tried time and time again to respond individually but I couldn’t find the words and emotions overwhelmed me and I had to run from the computer. But thank you. Seriously.

Now, moving on…

I didn’t go to counseling. I chickened out. In fact, two days before my appointment, I called to cancel. And then I lied to the receptionist, telling her I was going to reschedule.

I had no intention of rescheduling. I still have no intention of rescheduling.

The thought of counseling, of going to therapy, was just too much. A lot of it was the cost… almost $300 for the initial evaluation, then more than $100 for each 20-minute session after that. And I’m not even sure my insurance would cover any of it.

So, I cancelled. And it’s easy to blame it on the finances, but I’m kidding myself if I think that’s the reason. The reason? I don’t know. I just know I couldn’t do it.

I do know that things have gotten better. I don’t know if it’s because E is older now and that we’re getting things figured out, or if it’s because the hormones in the birth control I started taking have evened me out a little. Truth is, though, I don’t really care what the cause/reason is… I just know I’m doing better. That’s really all that matters.

Because now, I have the ability to fully enjoy this…

… without wanting to hurl myself off a cliff.

(Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all fun and games around here. I’m dealing, and things are getting better… but like I posted on Facebook not too long ago, “Postpartum depression is a persistent bitch.”)

Photo: We Heart It

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