First, let me say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who commented on my first post on postpartum. The amount of love and understanding I received was not expected. Please know I’ve read all of your comments multiple times over, and have tried time and time again to respond individually but I couldn’t find the words and emotions overwhelmed me and I had to run from the computer. But thank you. Seriously.
Now, moving on…
I didn’t go to counseling. I chickened out. In fact, two days before my appointment, I called to cancel. And then I lied to the receptionist, telling her I was going to reschedule.
I had no intention of rescheduling. I still have no intention of rescheduling.
The thought of counseling, of going to therapy, was just too much. A lot of it was the cost… almost $300 for the initial evaluation, then more than $100 for each 20-minute session after that. And I’m not even sure my insurance would cover any of it.
So, I cancelled. And it’s easy to blame it on the finances, but I’m kidding myself if I think that’s the reason. The reason? I don’t know. I just know I couldn’t do it.
I do know that things have gotten better. I don’t know if it’s because E is older now and that we’re getting things figured out, or if it’s because the hormones in the birth control I started taking have evened me out a little. Truth is, though, I don’t really care what the cause/reason is… I just know I’m doing better. That’s really all that matters.
Because now, I have the ability to fully enjoy this…
… without wanting to hurl myself off a cliff.
(Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all fun and games around here. I’m dealing, and things are getting better… but like I posted on Facebook not too long ago, “Postpartum depression is a persistent bitch.”)
Photo: We Heart It