My mind is racing, jumping from one thing to another. Worry, stress, frustration. I don’t like this constant weight on my chest. Sometimes all I want is a little more help, a little more support… and sometimes all I get is a little more guilt, a little more frustration.
I’m accustomed to feeling alone in this world; maybe this is the self-fulfilling prophecy at its finest.
E is, more often than not, the only thing that keeps me going. He is my reason. He makes my heart soar, especially when he does things like this:
Unfortunately, E is also the source of a lot off my unrest. He doesn’t like me much. I suppose that’s not the most accurate description, but when he literally pushes me away and criiiiies, cries cries when I try to hold him while his dad is in the room… well, it feels like he doesn’t like me. Which is a pretty crappy feeling. I know it’s the product of my husband staying hone with him while I work, and it would be three opposite if I stayed home while P worked, but that isn’t any consolation, really.
I need a release, an escape, from the stress, the worry. The guilt. The hurt.