Late-night rant sent from my phone. Please (mostly) disregard.

My mind is racing, jumping from one thing to another. Worry, stress, frustration. I don’t like this constant weight on my chest. Sometimes all I want is a little more help, a little more support… and sometimes all I get is a little more guilt, a little more frustration.

I’m accustomed to feeling alone in this world; maybe this is the self-fulfilling prophecy at its finest.

E is, more often than not, the only thing that keeps me going. He is my reason. He makes my heart soar, especially when he does things like this:

image

Unfortunately, E is also the source of a lot off my unrest. He doesn’t like me much. I suppose that’s not the most accurate description, but when he literally pushes me away and criiiiies, cries cries when I try to hold him while his dad is in the room… well, it feels like he doesn’t like me. Which is a pretty crappy feeling. I know it’s the product of my husband staying hone with him while I work, and it would be three opposite if I stayed home while P worked, but that isn’t any consolation, really.

I need a release, an escape, from the stress, the worry. The guilt. The hurt.

2 Comments

  1. tbf said:

    love.

    Monday, September 17, 2012
    Reply
  2. terra said:

    Hugs, lady friend. You’re in my thoughts always and as always, I’m so glad you share these thoughts and feelings with us. I hope it helps, even if just a miniscule amount, to send them out into the internets.

    Wednesday, September 19, 2012
    Reply

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