Originally posted on From Lemons to Lemondrops 12/6/2012
Something’s gotta give.
I feel stuck. Not happy and stuck and I’ve reached my limit. My life cannot possibly hold any more unhappiness without me actually bursting at the seams.
I feel like I’m suffocating. Pinned between a rock and a hard place, as they say. I can’t move or breathe and I’m claustrophobic and I need out rightfuckingnow.
Time is moving in slow motion. Minutes take hours, hours take days, days take weeks. Time drags on but before I know it there’s no time left.
There’s an urgency in my unease, desperation in my… desperation. I know change takes courage and time, and I’m seriously lacking in both areas. Change – big change, change that matters, that makes a difference – is neither immediate nor easy.
That’s the thing with me, right here, right now – I’ve been here so long I feel like I can’t handle being here for even one more second. I need to get out, want to run away, feel the wind blowing in my hair, never look back.
Maybe one day I will look back and realize things weren’t so bad. Maybe I’ll be filled with regret, or maybe I won’t.
Or maybe one day I’ll look back and see that everything’s exactly the same.
Then who’s to blame?