The one where I actually dissect The Hills

Not in the he said then she said then OMGHEDIDWHAT way, so don’t get your panties in a twist.

For those of you out there living under a rock who may not know, The Hills is an MTV-based “reality ” show. I say “reality ” because, well, reality is not working at a fashion magazine … or for a fashion designer or at a record company … and going to high-end night clubs wearing designer clothing and drinking champagne. At least, not for a majority of the world. Also, it’s not reality if there are TV cameras following you around.

And it’s not quality television. I don’t even know why the hell I watch it, to be honest with you. But when I left the newsroom tonight at 7:15 p.m., my first thought was, “YESyesyeyes I can watch the premiere of The Hills!!11!!!111 “

Ugh. So shoot me.

I think I just really, really like Lauren. But I can’t even explain that.

Anyway, tonight’s episode(s) pretty much infuriated me.

Side note? I really, really love the nice weather we’re having but the mosquitos (yes, they’re out already) are killllllllin’ me.

OK, quick background (a la Kaci) for you non-watchers:



From left to right: Lauren, Spencer (Heidi’s fiance), Heidi (Lauren’s former bff), Audrina (Lauren’s friend), Whitney (who is now in NYC and has her own show, The City – which, by the way, I haven’t watched), Brody (he’s the dude with the douchebaggery that is Bromance) and Lo (Lauren’s roommate). Those numbers under the floating heads are, according to, how much they make per episode.

See what I mean by not being reality?

Anyway, I could go into a whole spiel about all the characters and whatnot, but maybe I’ll save that for another day.

The point I want to make here is: Why do girls stay with douchebags? Who blatantly flirt with bartender? And punch a guy for trying to let his girlfriend know he was flirting with the bartender?

Here’s the scene: Heidi’s at Lauren’s birthday party. Spencer’s at a bar (for a guys’ night out – WITH ONE OTHER GUY) shamelessly flirting with the bartender. Who, though cute, is really annoying. The ex-boyfriend (Cameron? I think, not sure and too lazy to look it up right now) of Spencer’s sister, Stephanie, is at the same bar and sees the shameless flirting. He text messages Stephanie to tell her what Spencer is doing. Stephanie is with Heidi. Stephanie tells Heidi. Heidi calls Spencer. Spencer is a dick and acts like he’s innocent, then threatens to “beat up ” Cameron (is that even the right name?) for saying what he’s saying. Then he confronts Cameron and continues being a douchebag by saying things like, “Touch me first so I can fuck you up, ” or something to that effect. GAWD.

OK, I’m totally doing the he said then she said then OMGHEDIDWHAT thing here but hold on, I’m almost done.

So Spencer and this C guy have a little tiff and Heidi finds out about it and ends up talking to the bartender, who tells her that, yeah, Spencer was being inappropriate (umm trying to get the bartender to dance on the bar is NOT OK).

My point? Heidi gives girls a bad name everywhere by staying with this guy. I know, I’m just another TV viewer and I don’t know their relationship. But any guy who acts like that with a bartender (while taking tequila shots) isn’t worth it.

Also, I have a new respect for Lo. But that is definitely for another day.

Also also, I think my brain’s fried so if this is only partially coherent? Sorry.

0 thoughts on “The one where I actually dissect The Hills

  1. I didn’t watch the premiere last night, but I’ve (unfortunately) kept up with the show for an extended period of time. It sounds just as dramatic as ever, though. I’m gonna have to get back into it…

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