Son, I hope.

To my baby boy (because you will always be my baby boy),

As you get older, I feel more and more intensely how little control I have over your life, and how quickly I am losing what little control I have left. Son, I hope you realize it’s not about control but your safety. I worry about you, and I love you, and I would give anything to keep you safe, always.

As you learn more about your surroundings, I realize more and more how ugly and scary this world can be. Son, I hope you never lose sight of the beauty this world has to offer as well.

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As you grow into your own person, I understand more and more that while so much of you will depend on what your father and I teach you, there is still a big part of you that is just you. Son, I hope you never let go, sacrifice or compromise the real you. 

As you develop skills, opinions, likes, and dislikes, I see more and more the heavy burden society has placed on gender roles and what it means to be a man. Son, I hope you never let society dictate what you think you can and cannot be, or can and cannot do.

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As you grow up, I understand how quickly time can pass despite every attempt to savor each and every moment. Son, I hope you never take life – and all it has to offer – for granted.

My sweet baby boy… you are not a baby anymore. You are a toddler, and you grow and learn so much each day. Every day is something new for you, and it is so exciting to watch you develop. But, time is slipping by so fast these days, and I know my time with you is limited. Before I know it, you’ll be grown and entering The World on your own. And I won’t be there with you, to guide you, to tell you what will hurt you, what is safe.

It’s terrifying. And thrilling. (But mostly terrifying.)

I can only hope that we are teaching and showing you how to live the right way. Good. To be kind. That is my number one hope for you. We are doing the best we know how, and son, I hope it is enough.

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