I survived #BiSC 2013… and then some.

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I can’t even with the words right now.

I am back and recovering from the physical and emotional shit-storm that was Bloggers in Sin City.

Something in me has changed. Something subtle, but very real. I feel myself walking a little bit taller (which is great when you’re 5’1″) and holding my head a little higher (which is unexpected after a weekend in mother-effing VEGAS). I am more Kaci today than I was before Thursday.

ThisΒ unconference has changed my life in ways I’m sure I haven’t even discovered yet. And while I have a series of posts about the trip planned, there are some things I need to say before I get to all of that.

First, I have to thank Nicole, Doni and Jamie for their amazingness in doing all the things for BiSC. You girls. I can’t.

But mostly, I need to talk a little more in general about my trip, my justification for it (not that I need to justify myself to y’all – but to justify it toΒ myself) and basically just why the fuck I had to go.

I think it’s easy for new moms to completely devote themselves to their new life as a mom. Not “easy” as in “not a lot of work” or “not difficult to do,” but easy as in… that feels like what we should be. We feel like we must completely BE our new title, 100% of the time.

That’s bullshit.

Yes, I’m a mom. And I love you E, but…

I’m still Kaci. I still like to have fun and get dressed up and wear pretty things and laugh at ridiculous things. I still like to talk to other females about things that aren’t poopy diapers and crazy toddler antics.

I still have all of these feelings and likes and dislikes and thoughts and feelings about things that have nothing to do with being a mom.Β And that’s okay.

I’ve known that this is all okay, but it wasn’t until Katherine and I were talking about it in Vegas that I fully understood why I know it’s okay to still be me, to retain all the parts of myself that make me who I am.

If I lose myself, forget myself, and am nothing but about E all the time, all day, every day, forever and ever amen… the chances that E will learn that the world is NOT about E all the time, all day, every day forever and ever amen, are slim to none. How can I hope for him to grow into a kind, selfless, thoughtful man if I teach him now that my life is the E Show?

My family will always be The Most Important, but I have to remember Kaci. Which, is why I can say…

I love you E, but I went to Vegas.

20 Comments

  1. Sara Monday, May 20, 2013 3:26 pm

    I love this. I loved meeting you. And I loved when you showed up at dinner Saturday night, plopped down across from me, and said, “I’m day drunk! AND I’M A MOM!”

    <3

    • doniree Monday, May 20, 2013 6:30 pm

      THIS IS THE BEST THING. (That quote, and this post). Kaci, you’re awesome.

  2. San Monday, May 20, 2013 6:36 pm

    YES. This. I am so so glad you came. You needed this.

  3. Karlyn Monday, May 20, 2013 10:25 pm

    You’re a rock star!

  4. suki Tuesday, May 21, 2013 8:42 am

    πŸ™‚ YES to this. So happy you were able to take a much-needed break to do something for YOU. <3

  5. nicopolitan Tuesday, May 21, 2013 8:05 pm

    Not that I know anything substantial about raising a kid, but I’m going to give kids credit for being more intuitive than many people think. And as that’s the case, it means E can see right through his mama, and it’s just as important for him to see you shine bright as it is for you.

    Shine on, Kaci. If you do it for you, you’ll be doing it for him.

    • Kaci Johanna Wednesday, May 22, 2013 3:27 pm

      All the love, Nico. Thank you for that, SO MUCH.

  6. Casey E. Palmer Thursday, May 23, 2013 4:36 am

    Other Kaci,

    You’ve touched on so many lessons here that I hope to learn from when my time comes in the next bit. Parenthood is more about adding an additional person to your current life than it is changing your life to cater to that person β€” you’re right. It can shape your child’s worldview and setting the right tone for that from the beginning is SO important.

    I’ve already told Sarah that within two years, I’m taking our child out with me, much like a couple of other bloggers I’ve seen in Toronto. I won’t disappear. It’s just not in my nature.

    You keep doing you, Kaci, and I hope to see you again πŸ™‚

  7. katelin Thursday, May 23, 2013 4:12 pm

    was so wonderful hanging out with you lady and just, yes. you are more than just your adorable son’s mom, you are Kaci and you are fabulous!

    keep on being awesome, hearts!

    • Kaci Johanna Monday, June 10, 2013 8:46 pm

      You are so sweet Katelin! Thank you! It was great to be around you and your beauty (inside AND out!) again!

  8. Gina Friday, May 24, 2013 7:23 am

    Good for you for going to Vegas and doing something for yourself! You’re a working mom, you deserved Vegas AND you deserve a fucking medal! πŸ˜€

    • Kaci Johanna Monday, June 10, 2013 8:46 pm

      Haha thanks Gina! I don’t know about a medal but I’d take a bag of cinnamon bears! πŸ˜‰

  9. Pingback: CaseyPalmer.com || Being a #BiSC-uit: A Weekend That Changes EVERYTHING

  10. Germana Monday, May 27, 2013 1:17 pm

    So glad you made it this year, I missed you at BiSC12. πŸ™‚ I hope to see you again soon, miss your face!

  11. Kate @ SuburbanSweetheart.com Monday, May 27, 2013 9:19 pm

    I love this, Kaci. And I LOVED meeting you!

    • Kaci Johanna Monday, June 10, 2013 8:34 pm

      I don’t think I showed it much but I was SO excited to meet you! Even if you didn’t know who I was at first. πŸ˜‰

  12. terra Tuesday, May 28, 2013 9:09 am

    I’m so, so glad you went this year. It made my heart happy to see you there and I said at least 6 times that you *needed* to be there more than most of us. <3

    • Kaci Johanna Monday, June 10, 2013 8:34 pm

      I am SO INCREDIBLY freaking glad I went this year. I don’t know about me needing to be there more than anybody else, but I definitely needed it. <3

  13. Stacie Thursday, May 30, 2013 8:08 pm

    LOVE THIS. Spot on, Kaci.

  14. Pingback: A BiSC recap. Or, what I did in Vegas for four days. | Kaci Johanna

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