On friendships, and my lack thereof.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friendship.

Specifically, my friendships. And what it takes to create them, build them, nurture them, and sustain them.

I’m not very good at making friends. I can come across as stand-offish and guarded when I’m not in my element.

(When I am in my element though? Well, just ask any BiSCuit about that.)

And, unfortunately, it’s hard to make friends when you’re not really into drinking. That’s just such a thing, you know? Going out for drinks. Grab a beer. I know I wrote not too long ago about being day drunk in Vegas, but I haven’t had a drink since I got home from Bloggers in Sin City. That’s just how I live my life – more or less alcohol free. It’s not a judgment thing at all. I just don’t like how alcohol makes me feel the day after – I’m very prone to hangovers, so I avoid that whenever possible.

But I’ve found myself wondering what it is that has been keeping me from building and maintaining those lasting friendships that are so important to me. (It also begs the question: Are friendships really that important to me, if I don’t have any? But, that’s another post for another day.)

I have a few friends. And I know that it’s about quality, not quantity. But that doesn’t help a girl feel any better when people talk about, right in front of her, that party last night and where were you when this happened? and I was wondering about you! 

It gets lonely, sitting at your desk at work, surrounded by people who are coworkers and also friends, when all you have are coworkers.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a few people I work with whom I would call friends. But they’re stop by and chat for a minute with each other. They’re let’s go for a quick beer. The fact that I don’t live in town doesn’t change that I’m not.

I guess I’ve been wondering what I do wrong. Not in a “poor Kaci” kind of way. Just matter-of-factly. And maybe “wrong” isn’t the right word. I guess I’ve been wondering what I could do differently. Because whatever I’m doing clearly isn’t working.