Shenanigans, awesomeness, kittens and some cussing (because I never do that)

Pieces of the couch were strewn across the living room floor when I got home from work earlier this week.

Pieces of the couch were strewn across the living room floor when I got home from work earlier this week.

Last night I may have tweeted about my uncertainty about whether I’d ever been this angry at a non-human living being. And the other day, I may have posted the above photo.

Callie’s on a rampage. First, it was the couch cushion (above). Last night, it was a pillow (you know, those fancy decorative ones that nobody really uses but they’re pretty so they HAVE to be on the couch). I would have taken a picture of that but I was too busy trying to keep my head from exploding all over the fucking house and giving myself an even bigger mess to clean up.

I know we’re at least partially to blame – I mean we just leave them in the house while we’re gone but we have NEVER had a problem before. At least, not this big of a problem. They – meaning Callie and Velvet, and by the way I don’t realllly know who’s to blame, it could be either or both – have gotten small things before, like pens or beer cans (no blood, no injuries, it’s all good). I guess those should have been a warning but instead we’re all, lol I can’t believe she CHEWED UP A BEER CAN and isn’t bleeding all over town, and go on our merry way.

Caliber wasn't even cuter as a puppy than she is now, which is pretty damn hard to imagine.

Caliber was even cuter as a puppy than she is now, which is pretty damn hard to imagine.

In case you haven’t noticed, Callie is just about the cutest dog on the face of the planet. Velvet’s pretty fucking adorable, too, so it’s hard to be mad at them for longer than about seven minutes but HOLY FUCK I can’t afford a new couch! We’re down one cushion and have you ever sat on a couch without a cushion? It’s not comfortable. At. All. Needless to say I’m sick. and. tired. of this dog’s shenanigans.

Maybe I’d be more mad if there wasn’t some pure awesomeness going on in other areas of my life. Like currently, in my purse at this very moment, is a brand spanking new debit card for a bank account the boy and I have together. Pretty big step, right? Yeah and we’re starting to seriously look into buying a house. After the last fiasco, we’re stepping it up a notch.

And there’s even more awesomeness at the end of the month. My sister, sister-in-law, cousin and I are going to a concert that would rock the shit out of anything you’ve ever attended. Alright that’s probably pretty damn far from the truth BUT Nickelback, Papa Roach, Hinder and Saving Abel? At the Gorge? With three amazing women whom I love more than just about anybody (with the exception of, you know, the rest of my family and Johnny Depp)? YES YES GOD YES.

I just hope my fatter-than-fat fat ass cat hasn’t exploded into the terror that will be KITTENS because that bitch went and got herself preggo. I knew it was going to happen when we moved out here and I saw all sorts of shithead animals running around like they own the place. Seriously, we had mutts all over our lawn and I’d come home to see some cat poking his head around a tree and I’d be all GET OUT OF HERE YOU MANWHORE MY KITTY’S TOO GOOD FOR YOU.

I need a drink.