The one that’s full of run-on sentences

I was going to do laundry.

I was going to come home, do laundry and relax… and by relax I mean play with my new Droid. Whatever.

I was going to come home, do laundry, relax and enjoy a night to myself. (I know, I know, since when does doing LAUNDRY fit into a night of ENJOYING MYSELF? Good god when did I get OLD?!)

I mean seriously. Once upon a time the last thing you could get me to do was laundry. I mean, aside from dusting or the dishes or cleaning the bathroom or… well, you get the general idea. I. Didn’t. Clean. Period. That’s it. End of discussion.

And now? I CLEAN ALL THE TIME. Well not really, because I have a job (and, coincidentally, because of the (new) job, a LIFE) and a boyfriend and pets and (some) friends and family and… well yeah. I have all these other things to do in my life so I don’t spend ALL my time cleaning. But. Because I have all these other things in my life, I happen to have more things to clean.

Have you ever tried living with two dogs (one who thinks it’s just the GREATESTTHINGINTHEWHOLEWIDEWORLD to open the cupboard under the sink WHERE THE GARBAGE IS and, you know, tear into the garbage like it’s the last day she’ll evereverever be able to tear into the garbage) and three (THREEFUCKINGTHREE) cats? And a GUY? No? Want to house sit?

Hint hint. Nudge nudge.

Now what the hell was I talking about?

Oh. Right. Laundry. Relax.

Well, that didn’t happen. (SHOCKER! Betcha didn’t see that one coming.) You know why?

I checked the mail. Actually, I OPENED the mail. It would have been fine if I’d have brought it inside and then just ignored it (or, ahem, thrown it away, a la Carrie Bradshaw. Seriously. I’m starting to understand her tendency to throw away all her bills and SHUTUP SHE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A TV SHOW/MOVIE CHARACTER). But nooooo. I opened it. And then one thing led to another and before you know it I realize we’re a bajillion more dollars in debt than I was already aware of.


Needless to say, the laundry didn’t get done. Neither did the relaxing, really, because as soon as my mind turned from OOOO TWITTER to AHHHHH BILLS! MONEY! and OMGWENEEDSOMEWHERETOLIVEINAMONTH and WHERE THE HELL DID ALL THIS SHIT ON THE DESK COME FROM? ….

I turned on Jeopardy and even that didn’t relax me because have you ever watched that show? Of course you have and you know what? I’m a damn idiot because I don’t know the answer to half of those questions. Except there was a woman from Tumwater (I think). That’s in Washington state and whenever there’s anyone from Washington on any sort of TV show like that I have to watch the entire thing and end up really disappointed when they lose. And then I remember how NOT smart I am.

Moral of the story: Don’t open your mail. It’ll make you remember how dumb you are

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