The one with the stripper

I for real honestly 100% actually actually actually do not even know where to start about this weekend.

There was alcohol. There was dancing. There was laughing.

There was a wedding (aww) and babies (double aww) and new kittens* (aww… fuck) and and and and parties. Bachelorette and bachelor parties.

EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED damn.

There were bitch girls who didn’t know what they were talking about and there could have been fights.

This was NOT the stripper. This would have been an improvement, but I guarantee still just as awkward because HONESTLY.

Oh, and there was the stripper. The male stripper. Which sounds cool and all at first (unless you’re like me, in which case, it doesn’t sound cool at all not even one bit) but really it wasn’t cool at all, not even one. bit.

It was awkward and and was OF COURSE dressed as a cowboy except then he had a bandanna on and looked more like a wanna-be gangster? And I don’t even know. There were way too many one dollar bills floating around that living room and a lot of uneccesary “WOOOOoOooOoooooo!”ing and even more of “Please put your pants back on oh god please let him put his pants back on now” and a lot of him NOT putting his pants back on while he continued to sit in the living room while the bachelorette was outside puking because she took 12 too many shots of vodkawhiskeyrum. I don’t even know what she was drinking.

And people wonder why I just stick with Coors Light most of the time. It’s a safety issue, people.

But I mean, for holy shit. He was wearing a thong. I just don’t need any manthong in my life right now. Or at all.

But for real. The weekend. I did not even go outside or LOOK outside at all today (um, Sunday… right? Today IS Sunday? Like, I need to go to work in the morning right?). I probably wouldn’t even have put pants on (because, okay, for family members of mine who may be reading this, it’s best you heard it from me: My pants are not permanently affixed to my body, sorry big brother) if people hadn’t come out to the house.

* Yes, Sable had her second batch of kittens. Yes, they’re adorable because what kittens AREN’T adorable, I mean really. Yes, you can take them all home with you. No, I don’t want to talk about it. Anymore than I did just now.

{That cowboy photo up there? Is from here.}