Let go? : Reverb10.05

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.


December 5: Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Ohhh, this question. I’ve been flat out avoiding this question.

Maybe I let go of the simple life in hopes of something greater. Except, instead of “greater” I just got “complicated,” even “ugly.” I guess for awhile I let go of my dreams, I let go of myself, and I definitely let go of my self-control.

I let go of what I had, or what I thought I had, thinking I didn’t want it anymore. And then I let go of something I thought I could maybe want, because I didn’t know if I wanted that, either. And now I just plain don’t know what to hold on to, don’t know what to let go of, because I don’t know who I am.

(Could I BE any more vague here? Yuck.)

I guess… I let go of a lot. But at the same time, I haven’t let go of anything.

Photo: nati

Constant wonder: Reverb10.04

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.


December 4: Wonder

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

A sense of wonder?

These days, I’m constantly wondering… wondering what if after what if. My life is, recently, a series of questions to which I’m constantly searching for answers.

C’est la vie.

Photo: weheartit

30-Day Letter Project: 18

Dude.

Life is hard.

I know, right?

But you’ll get through it. No, you’ll get OVER it. You’ll learn from it, from this, from that, from it all. It’s who you are. You don’t break. You don’t crumble.

You do what you want, remember?

They don’t know you.

You love with all you’ve got. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You follow your gut, always.

You don’t need a man to feel happy, or to enjoy life. You don’t care what other people think. Bitches are bitches.

You also don’t care if people talk about you – it’s like your mom always told you, if they’re talking about you, they’re not talking about someone else. And you can handle it; maybe that someone else can’t.

Because you can handle it. You can handle anything. It’s cliche, yes, and you HATE cliches, but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

And you are strong.

Remember?

{Day 18: The person you wish you could be}

Photos: jliba | weheartit

Also, so many awesome pictures of the middle finger.

In this moment: Reverb10.03

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

December 3: Moment

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

2010 brought a lot of big moments to my life. New job, new house, buying a house. Big anger. Big love. Big heartache and heartbreak. Big moments.

But it’s been the little moments – stepping out on the front steps at work and breathing in the crisp autumn air, noticing the changing colors of the leaves – that have really defined 2010 for me, that have really made me feel alive.

I’ve savored the puppy cuddling with Colt, because I know he’ll either grow out of it or grow way too big for me to hold him like an infant. I enjoy the hair pulling from nieces, pseudo-nephews and friends’ children because, well, children grow up. I’ve stood back and watched the dogs run and play in the snow, or the lake or river or whatever body of water we happen to be near. I’ve driven up my driveway on an average Tuesday afternoon, thinking about how I hate this ungodly yellow and the wooden steps that are falling apart but how this is my home. My home. On any given day of the week, I pause for at least a split second and think about how truly blessed (AND I DON’T SAY “BLESSED” but it’s the only word I can think of that even comes close to describing how I feel… not LUCK, that’s for sure, but maybe) I am to have this job, to work with these people in this town.

Seriously. Driving home from work today, I had that thought and almost CRIED, I feel so fortunate.

Every moment I took for what it was, every moment I lived in the moment, I felt alive.

Image source unknown