In the dark of the night, they come to me. Words flow, effortlessly.

I knew I should have written it down.

They’re gone now. The wisdom, the beauty. I told myself I should get up, force myself out of bed, to record these thoughts. They’re fleeting, after all, and all too rare these days.

But I didn’t. Of course.

OF COURSE.

—–

I go through phases. With food, with music. For example, last month I was all about Oreo Cakesters and “Springsteen.”

Now, it’s homemade banana chips. And “Springsteen.” Though, that’s slowly changing to “Even If It Breaks Your Heart.”

And banana popsicles.

—–

Next week, my son turns 6 months old. SIX MONTHS.

He’s not a babybaby anymore. Every day, he turns into more and more of a little boy.

Personality galore. Sense of humor.

He’s growing up way too fast. Time is passing by too quickly.

He gets tired (sometimes) of me holding him. He gets excited to see me when I get home from work. He has inside jokes with his dad.

He’s growing up way. too. fast.

—–

Bloggers in Sin City is happening. I mean, like, RIGHT NOW. IT’S HAPPENING AS I TYPE THIS. And it’s killing me. (See also: hyperbole.) I miss everyone so much! I miss Vegas! The sparkles!

Photo not mine and I'm too lazy to find/link to its rightful owner. SORRY!

I’m going next year. #BiSC or bust.

Communities E Writing my heart out

I had another breakdown today.

I’m not even really sure what happened, but I know it had something to do with a dirty house and I’m pretty sure there was well-intended joke from my husband.

Side note: I think he’s right that I’ve lost some of my sense of humor.

(But don’t tell him I said that.)

Before I knew what was happening, I was alone in the house, collapsed on my bed in a fit of tears.

What the fuck?

Postpartum depression can be such a persistent bitch.

Photo: soonerpa

Shit They Don't Tell You

I’d totally attempt surfing if I lived near the ocean. And, you know, if I weren’t also too scared of drowning and death. And sharks. And jelly fish!

Simone wrote a post recently about things she feels like she should like but doesn’t, and it got me thinking. I don’t really have a list of things I don’t like but feel like I should… but there are a LOT of things I LOVE but don’t have time and/or energy to do them anymore.

So, here are some of them.

Exhibit I: Blogging

Oh, blogging. Writing. Reading. Interacting. I miss blogging itself, but also all the little social media bits that come with blogging, like Twitter! And I wish I had more time for Instagram now that it’s available on Android. By the time I get off work every day, I’m wiped. out. I miss having the energy to actively engage in the blogging community. There are so many fantastic blogs out there, run by fantastic people, and I miss them. Link. Link. Link. Link. Link.

Sigh.

Exhibit II: Family & Friends

Aside from my work friends, whom I see every day (because I have to, you know, work), and my in-laws who are within a few minutes’ drive… I don’t see my family or friends much. And, by the way? IT SUCKS. I miss my mom. I miss my sister and brother and nieces and their families. LIKE WHOA.

Exhibit III: Games

If it weren’t for Angry Birds and Scramble/Words With Friends on my phone (and my phone being the only one-handed form of entertainment I can handle while nursing E) I wouldn’t get to play any games at all. I used to play all kinds of games online  and it’s really kind of a bummer that I haven’t been able to for so long. I miss my Sims family!

Exhibit … 4 (IV? I never was any good at Roman numerals): Husband

I love, love, love my life right now, but if there’s one thing I would do differently if given the chance… I’d definitely choose to have more married time with P before our son was born. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m neglecting the hell out of him, and even though all my focus is on our child, I feel a bit guilty about not giving P the attention he deserves. (And boy, does he deserve it. Have I mentioned lately that he basically saved my sanity and life during the first couple months of E’s life? Cuz yeah. He did. Gotta give credit where credit is due.)

Exhibit ALL THE OTHER THINGS

I used to do my nails. I’d switch out my purse daily to match my clothes. I would actually GET BORED of the internet. I definitely took alone time for granted. I would go shopping just to look at stuff (as opposed to running frantically through a store trying to get everything on my list as fast as humanly possible) BECAUSE I HAD TIME (AND ENERGY) TO DO THAT. I drove fast because it was fun, not because I was perpetually 15 minutes late.

What do you wish you had more time and energy to do?

Photo: Fathzer

Etc.

E Wordless Wednesday