5 minutes & forever: Reverb10.15-10.17

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

December 15: 5 minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

I just want to remember the highlights: New job. New house. Homeowner! Amazing coworkers. Awesome community. New friends. Colt! Rob Zombie! Shinedown! Sevendust! Puddle of Mudd!

There were weddings and there were babies, neither of which were mine. There were parties and hangovers, both of which I had too much to do with.

And there was hurt and pain and confusion and anger, all of which I’d really like to be done with.

I don’t need 5 minutes. I’m done with this question.

December 16: Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I’ve learned a lot about friendship this year. You’d think that at 24 years old, a girl would know friendship isn’t easy and that it takes a lot of work, but I think this year was the year that proved that to me.

I’ve learned the best of friends can show up in places you least expect. And maybe that’s for the best.

I’ve learned sometimes the biggest hypocrites are the ones who talk the most shit. I’ve learned that if people gossip TO you, they’ll also gossip ABOUT you. And don’t put it past the girl who is always honest and straight forward to stab you in the back.

December 17: Lesson learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

The best thing I learned about myself this year? Simple. I’m still me. I have my own heart and mind and body and soul, and it’s okay to make decisions and choices based on what my heart and mind and body and soul want and need. In fact, it’s BEST if I make decisions and choices based on what *I* want and need.

I’ve said, in jest, for a long time: “I do what I want.” And though I did (do?) do what I want to a certain extent… for the most part, when it really comes down to it, I didn’t/don’t. I do what’s needed, what’s expected. What I should do, what people think I should do, what I think people think I should do.

And here’s something for you: IT’S FUCKING EXHAUSTING. I’m so tired of living for other people. If nothing else, these past few months have taught me that, sure, everybody and their dog, especially in a small town, is going to have an opinion – a lot of the time, a very STRONG opinion – about what I should or shouldn’t do, what I should or shouldn’t wear, who I should or shouldn’t hang out with or spend time with, etc. etc. etc. In the end, though, they don’t have to live with that decision. *I* do. So fuck them.

Live your life.

Photos: lil miss sunshine09 | tibchris