It’s the little things

The last month or so of my life… in pictures. It’s the little things in life, people!

Valentine's Day roses
... and lillies! My favorite. He did good, y'all.
Birthday celebrations - not my birthday - but strawberry margaritas? More, please.
Discovering new bands live in concert (I saw New Medicine with Hollywood Undead, Stone Sour and Avenged Sevenfold) - and meeting a band member and getting him to autograph their CD. Even if he spells your name wrong, it's pretty worth it!
Kitty cuddling - this is Assassin! He's a purring, cuddling machine.
Colt is so photogenic!
I tried to catch Callie's cute-while-she's-asleep face, but this dog has a sixth sense when it comes to me pointing a camera in her general direction.

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Read that again.

After a hurricane comes a rainbow.

Yea, that’s a fucking Katy Perry song. I don’t even care. Someone very near and dear to me told me about this song, told me to look up the lyrics. I thought, whatever, it’s Katy Perry. But I did it anyway, because when someone near and dear to you suggests a song, you humor them, at the very least, and you look up the damn lyrics.

And I read them, or at least skimmed them, while I waited for the music video to load (because I don’t have a whole hell of a lot else to do when it’s snowing like a motherfucker outside and my life is basically in shambles). The lyrics didn’t really hit me, though, until I heard them. Until I heard this line.

After a hurricane comes a rainbow.

Yeah, life sucks right now. No, I don’t want you to be sorry about it. It is what it is.

And today, I hit a low spot. I mean a LOW spot. It was worse than my break down in tears in the middle of my bedroom floor moments, lower than my gasping for air in the bathroom at work moments. I hit a wall, I hit The Wall, and I just… gave up. For a little bit, I gave up. Not on life – I’m not suicidal – but on me. On being happy.

I’m in the midst of a hurricane. An ugly, destructive storm. And while I know the storm won’t last forever, there is also no end in sight. There is no time frame. It is what it is until it isn’t anymore.

I think that’s the hardest part, knowing that even though this is completely and utterly in. my. control, at the same time… it’s not. I just have to ride it out.

{Rainbow Valley by rwangsa}

“Wreck of the Day”

Sometimes I swear the music I listen to was written for me. Written about me.

Some nights it’s Sugarland. Other nights it’s Disturbed.

Tonight (or last night, rather, since that’s when I actually wrote this, so bear with the rest of this post in the present-even-though-it-should-technically-be-past tense) it’s Anna Nalick.

I don’t even remember how or when I discovered her. I think it was her song, “Breathe” that was most popular. Or maybe it was “Forever Love” or “Wreck of the Day.” (I actually don’t have a clue which song was popular because I now have her entire album, “Wreck of the Day,” in my iTunes and in my brain.)

For years now, my writing has been inspired by music. I’ve never been a musician per se (aside from my career in the high school band – god I’m a badass) but music has always moved me. Sometimes it’s the melody, the pure sound of it… but a lot of the time, it’s the lyrics.

I’m a sucker for words.

I dissect the songs, picking and choosing which parts fit me.

For example, a lot of her songs seem to be about a broken heart and my heart? Not broken. My heart’s alive and well, actually, thankyouverymuch. No mean men in my life.

But part of my life feels broken lately. I don’t know if it’s the constant late nights away from home, not seeing the boyfriend any more now that he’s not working than I did when he was working or not having the internet at home (oh, who am I kidding? It’s all three of those things.) but… yeah. Broken. Or maybe incomplete? Or like something’s there that shouldn’t be, that needs to be replaced.

And, really, I’ve been working to remedy what I’m 99% sure is the cause of this yucky feeling, but it hasn’t exactly been going in my favor. So do ME a favor and send some good thoughts my way? Even if it’s just a tiny little two second thought. Thanks.

And now, because this is the song I immediately started thinking of on my drive home from work tonight:

“Wreck of the Day” – Anna Nalick
Driving away from the wreck of the day and the light’s always red in the rear view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I’d cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I’m giving up … on love

Driving away from the wreck of the day and I’m thinking ’bout calling on Jesus
Cuz love doesn’t hurt so I know I’m not falling in love, I’m just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up, then I’m giving up … on love

And maybe I’m not up for being a victim of love
When all my resistance will never be distance enough

Driving away from the wreck of the day and it’s finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I’m giving up … on love

Obviously the “giving up on love” part doesn’t apply, but damn near all of the rest does. Even kindof the “giving up” part.