Future self & travel: Reverb10.21-10.22

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.


December 21: Future self

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Hey, you.

Take your time.

Breathe.

For the love of all that is good in this world, live for you.

I know you care. Sometimes, too much. (It really is a curse sometimes, isn’t it?) The truth is, it’s pretty obvious to most people that you care. I’m not entirely sure you could do anything to make people think you don’t care. So please, if even just for one stinkin’ day, live for you.

And don’t forget to breathe!

And… also, next time someone suggests shots at the bar? Say yes, just once. You could use something other than Coors Light running through your veins.

LOVE, me.

December 22: Travel

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

Y’all? I didn’t GO ANYWHERE this year. A few (and a LOT too few) trips to see my nieces, a couple trips to some surrounding larger towns and one trip to “Seattle” (but not really Seattle – mostly just IKEA).

That’s it. No return trips to Pullman. No flying to San Francisco.

But that’s going to change. In 2011, I’m going to SF. (Lauren, watch out, I’m lookin’ at you!) In 2011, I’m going to Vegas. I’m going to see my nieces more, to visit my amazing siblings and to the Oregon coast.

I’m going to get the hell out of this house.

Photo: Lara

Infinite: Reverb10.18-10.20

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.


December 18: Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

I want to try to be happy. I know that I took some pretty significant steps toward that in 2010 (new job, buying a house) but there was so much in 2010 that was about settling. At some point I stopped going for more and just sort of… got used to what I had. I never want to stop looking for more, stop yearning for more, stop wanting more again.

December 19: Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Nothing, aside from a shot of penicillin in the ass (quite figuratively, actually – gotta love getting strep throat), healed me this year. I’ve touched on this a little here lately, but in terms of sickness/illness, 2010 was more a year for getting sick than for healing. In 2011, though, I would really like ME to heal me. Not suddenly, because I don’t think I’ll learn as much from it. But I want to heal, step by step, one little bit at a time until I’m whole, until I’m well again.

December 20: Beyond avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

I should have stood up for myself, said the right things and done the right things, instead of running scared.

One can only hope I’ll do that in 2011.

Photo: watch me love

5 minutes & forever: Reverb10.15-10.17

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.

December 15: 5 minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

I just want to remember the highlights: New job. New house. Homeowner! Amazing coworkers. Awesome community. New friends. Colt! Rob Zombie! Shinedown! Sevendust! Puddle of Mudd!

There were weddings and there were babies, neither of which were mine. There were parties and hangovers, both of which I had too much to do with.

And there was hurt and pain and confusion and anger, all of which I’d really like to be done with.

I don’t need 5 minutes. I’m done with this question.

December 16: Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I’ve learned a lot about friendship this year. You’d think that at 24 years old, a girl would know friendship isn’t easy and that it takes a lot of work, but I think this year was the year that proved that to me.

I’ve learned the best of friends can show up in places you least expect. And maybe that’s for the best.

I’ve learned sometimes the biggest hypocrites are the ones who talk the most shit. I’ve learned that if people gossip TO you, they’ll also gossip ABOUT you. And don’t put it past the girl who is always honest and straight forward to stab you in the back.

December 17: Lesson learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

The best thing I learned about myself this year? Simple. I’m still me. I have my own heart and mind and body and soul, and it’s okay to make decisions and choices based on what my heart and mind and body and soul want and need. In fact, it’s BEST if I make decisions and choices based on what *I* want and need.

I’ve said, in jest, for a long time: “I do what I want.” And though I did (do?) do what I want to a certain extent… for the most part, when it really comes down to it, I didn’t/don’t. I do what’s needed, what’s expected. What I should do, what people think I should do, what I think people think I should do.

And here’s something for you: IT’S FUCKING EXHAUSTING. I’m so tired of living for other people. If nothing else, these past few months have taught me that, sure, everybody and their dog, especially in a small town, is going to have an opinion – a lot of the time, a very STRONG opinion – about what I should or shouldn’t do, what I should or shouldn’t wear, who I should or shouldn’t hang out with or spend time with, etc. etc. etc. In the end, though, they don’t have to live with that decision. *I* do. So fuck them.

Live your life.

Photos: lil miss sunshine09 | tibchris

Here, now and in the future: Reverb10.12-10.14

In an attempt to travel further down the path of self-discovery, I’ve decided to participate in Reverb 10, which is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.


December 12: Body integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

I don’t do yoga. I don’t exercise, I don’t work out. Basically, I’m not a physically active person… like at all.

But there was a moment. I had a moment this summer – and I don’t remember the day, time or hell, even the month, but there was a moment – in which I felt whole. We, a bunch of us, friends, family, just we were at the lake. Kids were yelling, people were jumping off the dock, animals were running amok. It was, basically, just another day at the lake.

In that moment, though, somewhere between the truck and the water, I paused for a second, a split second. I remember feeling the sun beating down on me, feeling it on every inch of my exposed skin. I could feel the heat mixed with the slight breeze of warm summer air. My thoughts were my feelings. That was the first time in a long time the two were one. And that was the last time in a long time the two were one.

December 13: Action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

This is something I’ve really been struggling with lately. What’s your next step?

Sometimes, it’s that easy. What’s your next step? Okay, now do it. What’s your next step? See it through.

But sometimes… it’s not that easy. Some things just aren’t black and white. Sometimes, it’s not as easy as “yes” or “no,” and sometimes that next step just isn’t crystal clear. (Like now.)


December 14: Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

Family. FAMILY. My mom. My amazing brother and sister, and their amazing spouses. My nieces. HOLY CRAP my nieces.

Even extended family… aunts and uncles, cousins. Reconnecting.

Family.

I’ve been trying to be better at it, but it’s hard when you’re just not really a phone person. So I try in other ways – Facebook, email, text messages. It’s hard, too, when you’re forgetful like I am and happen to take after your mom, who is a bit of a homebody. But I try, because really, you can’t get much better than my family.

Photos: lanier67 | linda yvonne