After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Read that again.

After a hurricane comes a rainbow.

Yea, that’s a fucking Katy Perry song. I don’t even care. Someone very near and dear to me told me about this song, told me to look up the lyrics. I thought, whatever, it’s Katy Perry. But I did it anyway, because when someone near and dear to you suggests a song, you humor them, at the very least, and you look up the damn lyrics.

And I read them, or at least skimmed them, while I waited for the music video to load (because I don’t have a whole hell of a lot else to do when it’s snowing like a motherfucker outside and my life is basically in shambles). The lyrics didn’t really hit me, though, until I heard them. Until I heard this line.

After a hurricane comes a rainbow.

Yeah, life sucks right now. No, I don’t want you to be sorry about it. It is what it is.

And today, I hit a low spot. I mean a LOW spot. It was worse than my break down in tears in the middle of my bedroom floor moments, lower than my gasping for air in the bathroom at work moments. I hit a wall, I hit The Wall, and I just… gave up. For a little bit, I gave up. Not on life – I’m not suicidal – but on me. On being happy.

I’m in the midst of a hurricane. An ugly, destructive storm. And while I know the storm won’t last forever, there is also no end in sight. There is no time frame. It is what it is until it isn’t anymore.

I think that’s the hardest part, knowing that even though this is completely and utterly in. my. control, at the same time… it’s not. I just have to ride it out.

{Rainbow Valley by rwangsa}

5 Comments

  1. Amy --- Just A Titch Monday, November 22, 2010 5:58 pm

    Don’t give up on YOU, lady. I know life can be really hard, but really, it will get better. It has to get better. Be gentle with yourself. xoxo

  2. rik Tuesday, November 23, 2010 12:53 pm

    whatever doesn’t kill you blah blah blah.

    i’ll tell you some old cowboy advice i’ve been telling myself a lot lately: “if you don’t like what you’re doing, you gotta change something.”

    xo

    • Kaci Johanna Tuesday, November 23, 2010 6:25 pm

      Ain’t that the truth…

      Old cowboy advice is sometimes the best advice.

  3. big brother Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:40 pm

    umm…..so many things i want to say. so many things i shouldn’t say. so many times i’ve tried to help. so many times it backfires.

    sometimes you need to sulk. you need to be down. you need to be low. sometimes you have to let everything pour out of you.

    it takes the lowest of lows to realize how good the highs are.
    it takes to lows to realize how much we all take for granted.

    and sometimes you need a ass-kicking to get you up on your newshoeswearin’ feet.

  4. sleepyjane Wednesday, November 24, 2010 12:35 am

    [hugs] and love.

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