Lately…

I recently realized that although I’ve been doing a lot lately, not many people know about it! That’s me being a bad blogger. Where the updates at, yo?

Lately, I’ve been thinking wedding, wedding, wedding. I can’t believe how quickly July has come (um, hello end-of-June, where the fuck did you come from?!) and The Big Day is in two and a half weeks. (Oh. Shit.) I still need flowers (shut up). Also, what the hell are the groomsmen going to wear? Also also, how do you convince the groom-to-be that he should, I don’t know, ask his groomsmen to be his groomsmen? Also, shit.

Cheeeeeesecaaaaake.

Lately, though, I’ve also been getting excited about the wedding. I found my dress (no pictures, sorry – it’ll just have to be a surprise!) and lots of cute decorations for the reception, and I have a pretty good plan to do something to honor my dad during the ceremony and reception. I think a lot of my excitement is because of the cheesecake. No wedding cake for us. Just cheesecake.

Lately, I’ve been doing my best to enjoy my last child-free summer. I’m sure next year I won’t have many opportunities to kick my feet up and sit on our front porch, laptop in… lap, and enjoy the sunshine, breeze and superannoying dogs. I know next summer will be full of a million other simple pleasures, so I’m trying to soak up these simple pleasures. While I can.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about boy vs. girl. Do I want to buy camo or pink (camo)? Do I want to play dress up or cops and robbers? (Not that girls can’t wear regular camo or play cops and robbers, but you get my point.) As our 20-week ultrasound draws nearer (July 13!), I find my mind wandering to boy vs. girl quite often. Will we have a son, or will we have a daughter? And, one step further… If we have a son, what kind of man will he be? Or if we have a daughter, what kind of woman will she be?

Lately, I’ve been wondering what kind of mother I’ll be. I think I ask P about once a week, “Do you think I’ll be a good mom?” He always says that yes, of course, he knows I’ll be a good mom. But when I ask, I secretly mean so much more than that. I mean, what kind of mom do you think I’ll be? Strict, but caring? Care-free, but thoughtful? I’m a firm believer that parents never really have it figured out, and that I’ll never know what kind of mom I actually am, because I’ll forever be learning and evolving not only as a mother but as a person… but I can’t help but wonder.

Photos: colemama, Tyler

7 Comments

  1. Stephanie Thursday, June 30, 2011 12:21 am

    This is such an exciting time for you! I can’t believe your wedding is so close. I’m looking forward to seeing pictures 🙂

    I definitely plan to approach parenthood with your same philosophy. I don’t want to put restrictions or expectations on myself, I just want to grow with my children (and hopefully be a good parent as I do that).

    I’m putting my official guess out there: Girl

    • Kaci Johanna Thursday, June 30, 2011 4:53 pm

      Oh, we are guessing now?! I like that! I’ll start a tally… one for girl!

      You know, I totally respect people who have a very specific, clear vision for the type of parent they want to be, regardless of what that vision is. I just can’t commit to something like that, especially when I don’t have a very specific, clear idea of what the hell I’m getting myself into. So, I figure I’ll live it and learn it and just kind of roll with it, changing as I go… kind of like I’ve done with my adult life.

      Thanks for all your encouragement, Steph!

  2. Stacey Thursday, June 30, 2011 12:57 pm

    I think one of my favorite parts of pregnancy will be wondering about the gender. I love anticipation of that sort. You WILL be a good mom, no doubt.

    Your wedding is so close! I look forward to seeing some pics from it 🙂

    • Kaci Johanna Thursday, June 30, 2011 4:54 pm

      Thank you so much, Stacey!

      The wondering is KILLING me! I’ve always been the type of person who hates wondering, hates NOT knowing. If someone knows something, I have to know too… regardless of if it has any real impact on me or not. So this? This, I need to know.

  3. rik Thursday, June 30, 2011 7:05 pm

    OK I almost spewed my coffee about the camo or pink camo.

  4. Erin Sunday, July 3, 2011 1:52 pm

    Weddings! And cheesecake wedding cake! Umm, I love it! And I love that your wedding is almost here. Everything WILL come together!

    And I wonder the same thing about parenthood sometimes. I know we’re in different spots, but it’s an interesting question to ponder. And I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. We figure it out as we go. 🙂 And, since you’re an amazing woman, you will be an amazing mom!

  5. terra Tuesday, July 5, 2011 10:48 am

    No matter what sort of mom you’ll be, I’m sure it will be an awesome one. You’re just too wonderful not to be an awesome sort of mom.  

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