Feelings and time and change

Originally posted on From Lemons to Lemondrops 12/6/2012


Something’s gotta give.

I feel stuck. Not happy and stuck and I’ve reached my limit. My life cannot possibly hold any more unhappiness without me actually bursting at the seams.

I feel like I’m suffocating. Pinned between a rock and a hard place, as they say. I can’t move or breathe and I’m claustrophobic and I need out rightfuckingnow.

Time is moving in slow motion. Minutes take hours, hours take days, days take weeks. Time drags on but before I know it there’s no time left.

There’s an urgency in my unease, desperation in my… desperation. I know change takes courage and time, and I’m seriously lacking in both areas. Change – big change, change that matters, that makes a difference – is neither immediate nor easy.

That’s the thing with me, right here, right now – I’ve been here so long I feel like I can’t handle being here for even one more second. I need to get out, want to run away, feel the wind blowing in my hair, never look back.

Maybe one day I will look back and realize things weren’t so bad. Maybe I’ll be filled with regret, or maybe I won’t.

Or maybe one day I’ll look back and see that everything’s exactly the same.

Then who’s to blame?

2 Comments

  1. doniree Friday, December 7, 2012 9:39 am

    Oh, I know that feeling all to well, love. Hugs to you, and you’ve got my email if you ever want to vent.

  2. TRYC Sunday, December 9, 2012 8:12 am

    I know the feeling, of being trapped, of being stuck. I woke up this morning feeling sad, went online to look for something to cheer me up, and your blog was one of those I chanced upon. I’m sorry about how you feel, but at the same time, you saying maybe you’ll look back one day and see that things weren’t so bad is kind of uplifting. Because hey, maybe things aren’t so bad?

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