I want my life back.
The family unit and the plans and the partnership and the house and the certainty.
I’ve lost that. Maybe not for good, but for right now. Maybe I never really had parts of that, but I thought I did and now I know I don’t, and I miss it and I want it back.
Now I have resentment and fury. I will tear this fucking house down, yousonofabitch. Oh yes, I have fury. I have fury and a clean apartment and a bed to myself and regret and doubt.
I had a lot of other things, between then and now, like fights and fuck-yous and a big mess. I don’t miss much of the in-between.
But the before. I miss the before, if it ever really was.
To be continued…